The Hot Barista Sequel
by WhyTFNot
Summary: This is the sequel to my previous story the Hot Barista. Each chapter will be a one shot of Remus and Sirius's life, set at varying time frames after the end of the Hot Barista. You can read my previous story if you haven't, or you can just read these as one shots from a muggle AU where Remus and Sirius fell in love with each other in their senior year of high school.
1. Unsure

Remus started his afternoon like he always did, in the front seat of his car, lips pressed firmly against Sirius Black's. There were a few soft 'hey's and some 'how was your day's but mostly it was just lips, and tongues, and heavy breathing.

Sirius used the ball of his thumb to tilt Remus's head up just a little, earning himself a moan. It had become his signature move.

Remus had one hand in Sirius's hair and one on his waist. The hand in his hair was scrunching, and teasing, and pulling. Remus never got tired of playing with Sirius's hair.

They probably could have stayed that way for a few more hours if someone hadn't tapped on the car window. Remus turned meeting James's eyes as he winked and stuck out his tongue. He motioned for Remus to roll down the window.

"What on earth could you possibly want, James?"

"Hey just being a good mom friend over here. I know it's the last day of school, and celebration is in order, BUT you guys still have work today. You and your magical tongue-" Sirius blushed, "Made Sirius late for work last week and he's on thin ice with his boss." James finished his lecture.

"Alright, you tyrant, we're going." Remus rolled up the window and started his car.

"You're welcome!" James shouted through the glass, "You guys wouldn't know what to do without me."

Remus intertwined his fingers with Sirius's as he pulled out of the parking lot. "I know what we'd do a lot more of if he wasn't constantly around." He joked. Sirius blushed but stayed silent.

It was indeed their last day of highschool. Graduation was a week away, and with his hand clasped tightly in Sirius's, Remus felt like he was on top of the world.

He cracked another joke, but Sirius barely laughed.

"Hey," He looked over at his boyfriend. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah." Sirius wouldn't look at him.

"Hey you don't have to tell me what's wrong, but don't lie."

"Rem, we've been dating for a while…" Sirius started, still not looking at Remus.

"Yeah…" Eight months, 2 weeks, and 3 days. Not that Remus had been counting.

"I just-" Sirius stuttered trying to find the words, "I just- I know how things can start to heat up after a while and well…" He paused.

Remus was a bit confused. Did Sirius want to talk about what he thought he wanted to talk about? And if so, why did he sound upset about it.

"Remus, I don't know how to have sex!" Sirius blurted. Remus almost swerved off the road.

"What?" Sirius had withdrawn his hand and was now using it to hide his furiously blushing face.

Suddenly he was talking so fast that Remus almost couldn't understand him.

"It's just that I love you and I want to take things to the next level with you, but I don't know how which is stupid because everyone else our age is doing it and I mean look at you obviously I want to do it too, but nobody in my family gave me the sex talk, like not even the heterosexual sex talk and I don't even use the internet that much so how am I supposed to know how to do regular sex let alone queer sex, and I'm sorry but my knowledge of sex rivals that of a Victorian age woman, I would say Victorian age man but those guys fucked like bunnies and-"

"Woah slow down-" Remus was trying his best to fight back laughter because he didn't want to make Sirius feel bad, but damn he had not been expecting this.

"I just didn't want you to think I didn't like you because all we do is make out."

"Ok, say that sentence again but slower." Remus said, failing to hold back all of his laughter.

Sirius lowered a hand from his face to glare at Remus.

Remus looked at a passing street sign. "Ok we've got like ten more minutes before we get to work. We're going to talk about this. But you've got to sit up and look at me while we do."

Sirius slowly rose from the curled position he had sunk into during his embarrassing confession. Remus held out his hand and Sirius took it, their intertwined fingers resting on the center console once more.

"So we're dealing with Victorian age woman level knowledge huh?" Remus couldn't help but laugh at that analogy. "I'm not a veteran at this either you know." He looked over at the other boy who was still struggling to meet his eyes. "And neither is everyone else. Everyone our age is doing it? I'm pretty sure less than 5% of our senior class has ever seen another person naked."

"Yeah but they at least know what to do once the opportunity arises. It's not like queer sex ed is even a thing in public schools. And I don't know any older gay people. Straight people have someone they can take their questions to. I don't have anybody." Sirius was so embarrassed he was saying these words out loud.

"You're right. Queer sex ed should be a thing. If I have to listen to straight sex ed, something that will literally never affect me, it wouldn't kill the straight population to listen to some gay sex ed."

"But you… know about it?"

"Sirius, I have HIV. I've been given the gay sex talk by every doctor I've visited as soon as my mom leaves the room. You know, just as a precaution. I can recite it for you if you like."

"No!" Sirius recoiled in embarrassment as Remus laughed. "For some reason I don't think the person I'm going to have sex with should be the one giving me the sex talk. I think I'd rather turn to the internet." Finally Sirius was feeling comfortable enough to laugh with Remus at the absurdity of the conversation they were having.

"Haha ok. I mean look at it this way. It's kind of like riding a bike. Sure you can look up how to ride a bike on the internet, but it doesn't really compare to riding one in real life. The first time you do it might not go great, but eventually you get the hang of it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone goes into their first time kind of blind."

Sirius thought for a minute. "You're the bike, right?"

Remus snorted. "Yes, I'm the bike."

The car was quiet for a bit, just the two of them holding hands on the way to work.

"Thank you for talking with me about this." Sirius said softly. Remus looked over at him and smiled.

"Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"Yeah I know."

Remus pulled into the mall parking lot. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"We'll have sex when you're ready, ok?" Remus turned the car off.

Sirius blushed as he hopped out on the passenger side. It was nice to feel supported and know that there was no rush in this but damn this conversation was embarrassing. "I think I'd like to be done talking about this right now."

Remus laughed. "Ok."

They walked into the mall together.

"I can teach you about blow jobs tonight if you want."

"REMUS OH MY GOD"


	2. Date

"YOU GUYS" James crashed through the front door of Remus and Sirius's apartment. A room a way Remus was hastily trying to redo the button on his jeans, while Sirius had opted for the easier choice of just diving under the covers.

"You know I'm starting to regret giving him a key." Sirius mumbled as James crashed through the door of their bedroom.

James, who was obviously freaking out about something, didn't notice the clues telling him he had interrupted a rather private moment. "YOU GUYS!" He shouted, not lowering his voice even though his friends were literally a foot away from him...in bed...at four thirty in the afternoon.

"What, James?" Sirius tried to subtly put his shirt back on, but he could have been standing on the dresser stark naked and James wouldn't have noticed.

"I ASKED LILY MOTHERFUCKING EVANS OUT AND SHE SAID YES!" James couldn't contain the news any longer.

Remus tucked the tag on Sirius shirt in. "I didn't know Lily's middle name was motherfucking." He was enjoying the look of exasperation on James's face.

"Remus did you not hear me? She said yes! She said yes, oh my god I have a date with Lily Evans tonight." He swayed a little, and sank back into a chair in the corner of the room.

"Calm down mate. Did you not think she was going to say yes?" Sirius asked, playfully grabbing Remus's thigh under the covers. Remus swatted him away.

"Considering he waited until freshman year of college to ask her out?" Remus asked. "Seriously, James you're the only one who couldn't see how much she already likes you. Which is ironic considering the only reason you couldn't see it was because of how much you like her."

"You really think she likes me?" James asked, his hand on his forehead in disbelief.

"Yes you idiot." Sirius lobbed a pillow at his head.

Remus's phone pinged on the bedside table.

Lily(JAMES MOTHERFUCKING POTTER ASKED ME OUT)

"Hey James," He chuckled, "You and Lily have the same middle name." James lunged over the bed.

"Is she texting you? Let me see, let me see." Remus hopped out of bed holding his phone above his head and James chased him around the room trying to tackle him.

"She's texting me, not you. You wanna know what she's thinking you have to ask her yourself!" He jumped on top of the dresser, bending down so his head didn't hit the ceiling. He held is phone up so James couldn't reach and texted back a quick reply.

Remus(About damn time)

James was still jumping for the phone.

"Sirius, come get him." Remus said, sticking his tongue out at James.

"I would, love, but I'm afraid I can't."

"Ha!" James cried in triumph. "He's on my side! Hand over the phone, Lupin."

Remus laughed, suddenly remembering. "No, I think it's because he's not wearing any pants." Sirius shrugged.

"Wha-" James turned his head before realizing the context of the situation. Suddenly he was shielding his eyes and fleeing the room. "Oh my god, put some pants on, Sirius what the fuck."

"Not like he had a whole conversation with us before realizing or anything." Remus shut the door so Sirius could get dressed, and then they went out into the living room to find him awkwardly sitting on the couch.

"You could have put a sock on the door or something."

"Considering that we're the only two that live here, you can understand why we thought that wasn't necessary." Sirius laughed.

"So Lily motherfucking Evans huh?" Remus asked, grinning as he watched that huge smile split James's face again.

"I think I'm going to pass out. Is it tacky to pass out on a date?" James asked. He kept rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans.

"I think it's only tacky if you pass out when the bill comes so you don't have to pay." Sirius said.

"Come on, be serious." James said, and Remus groaned.

"I am," Sirius sent himself into a fit of giggles.

"We've lost him," Remus sighed, rolling his eyes. They let him giggle for a few more minutes before he finally composed himself.

"Ok Ok, " Sirius wiped a tear from his eye. "I'm good." Remus turned back to James.

"So where are you taking her?"

"I can't think of any place good enough for her."

"Ahh young love." Sirius sighed, his head in his hand.

"Oh my god, shut up. You're nineteen." Remus said. "James if you put too much pressure on the first date, it's not going to live up to your expectations and you're going to be disappointed."

"But it's the first date! It has to be magical."

"Nope." Sirius linked his arm through Remus's. The two of them were sitting across from James, on the kitchen counter. "I mean the first date should be good, but the magic comes later."

"Honestly, you're just trying to get her to agree to a second date." James looked panicked, so Remus followed up with a "Which I'm sure she will."

James continued to berate them with questions, which they happily answered, throwing in little anecdotes from their own first date here and there. James was asking if it mattered what socks he wore, when all of a sudden…

"YOU GUYS" The front door crashed open once again, this time with Lily Evans on the other side.

"We really need to stop giving out our key." Sirius mumbled to Remus.

"JAMES FREAKING POTTER-" She stopped when she saw James Freaking Potter staring at her from the couch. "Oh my god" She squeaked and went right back out the door, slamming it shut behind her.

"Tag team." Remus nodded to Sirius as he hopped of the kitchen counter and went out into the hallway to find her. She had her forehead pressed to the wall, her face redder than her hair.

"That. Was. So. Embarrassing." Each word was punctuated with a tap of her head against the wall.

"You know, if you people would learn how to knock, you wouldn't have these problems." Remus grinned at her. "Big day, huh?"

"Have you ever been 100% nervous, but 200% excited at the same time?" Lily asked him.

"Yeah, I can think of a few times." Sirius's eyes swam in the front of Remus's mind.

"What was he saying about me?" She asked eagerly.

"Like I'm going to tell you. You people have to learn to communicate with each other." Remus sighed.

"That's not fair."

"How is that not fair?" He asked, knowing the queen of comebacks wouldn't have a response. "Oh! Would you rather go to Olive Garden, or for pizza?"

"Why?"

"Why do you think? He wanted to do something fancier but he has like twenty dollars total. He couldn't decide between those two." Lily laughed.

"Pizza. I'm not kissing him after garlic."

"I'll let him know."

Lily yanked his sleeve as he went to go back inside. "Don't tell him that last part."

Remus opened the door and Sirius and James both fell out. "Really? Eavesdropping?"

"I was trying to pull him back from the door." Sirius blurted, knowing full well he had led the charge.

"Yeah sure." Remus wasn't fooled for a second. "Lily wants pizza. Sirius get him back inside and get ready. You have five minutes and then you're leaving."

"What!?" Lily and James protested simultaneously.

"If we send you home, James will take five hours to do his hair, and you-" He pointed at Lily, "won't be able to decide on an outfit. You both look fine, we'll get you ready, and then you'll go get pizza and have a wonderful time." Remus looked at Sirius. _And then you and I can get back to where we left off._

Sirius got the message and shoved a blushing James back inside. "I have a shirt you can borrow, mate." Remus turned his attention to Lily.

"Hold still." He turned her around and started to french braid her hair away from her face. "Your makeup looks good today, this way he'll be able to see it."

"Aw thanks."

"Plus now your hair won't get in the way when you're making out in the parking lot."

"REMUS!"

"I'm kidding. Chill." He finished the braid and slipped a hair tie off his wrist.

"Remus you barely have any hair, why do you have a hair tie?"

"Oh I keep one so I can put Sirius's hair up when he goes d-" Remus paused. This probably wasn't a fun fact he should share. "You know what. It's not important." Lily turned back around.

"How do I look? I wish I would have worn something nicer to class today."

"You look amazing. Besides you dress nice everyday. And don't even try to deny that it's because James Potter is in every single one of your classes." Lily glared at him.

"Am I that transparent?"

"Honestly, it's a good thing. All that blatant flirting finally got him to ask you out didn't it?"

Sirius poked his head out of the doorway. "Ready?"

Remus looked at Lily. She nodded.

Sirius hauled James out from behind the door, putting both hands on his shoulders. "Alright son, you have a good time." Sirius put on his best dad voice. "And if you hurt her, well… She'll kill you." Lily laughed

"Let's go James." She grabbed his hand as they started off down the hall, Remus and Sirius watching them leave like proud parents.

"That's my blowjob hair tie in Lily's hair isn't it?"

"Yep."


	3. Origin Story

It was late when Sirius got home from work. He closed the door gently and set his keys down quietly on the kitchen counter. He texted James the score to the soccer game that had been on that night, knowing he'd want to know when he woke up.

Sirius was currently working at a bar down the street, and James stopped by often to watch sports, and tell women about his beautiful girlfriend when they tried to chat him up. He had had to leave before the game was over though. Something about a history exam tomorrow.

Sirius hadn't had to worry about exams in almost two years. He was thrilled when James, Lily, Remus, and Marlene had all gotten into the same college. They were sophomores now. Alice and Frank had moved away for a different school, but they skyped almost every weekend. Peter had gone out of state too. He said he'd write, but he didn't.

But college hadn't seemed feasible for Sirius, so he decided he would spend those four years working. Trying to figure out what he wanted to do.

And he was still around. The bar he worked at now was one of the more popular ones on campus and he saw his friends all the time.

And there was the fact that he shared an apartment with Remus. Remus's parents had been a little hesitant about them moving in together so fast (11 months wasn't that fast), but things had been going very very well.

He looked at the clock above the stove in the kitchen. 1:11. Remus was probably asleep by now. He shrugged off his jacket, and wandered down the hall to the bedroom, ready to crawl in bed with him.

He opened the door as quietly as he could but the light was still on.

"Rem? You still awake?" Remus, buried under a pile of notes, jumped when Sirius spoke.

"Geez, I didn't hear you come in," Remus said. Sirius brushed some papers aside so he could lay on the bed, leaning over and kissing Remus hello before he got settled.

"Well, I was trying not to wake you up. Whatcha doing?"

"Trying to make sense of these chemistry notes."

"Aren't you tired?"

"Extremely," Remus laughed wearily. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Sirius got off the bed so he could slip into boxers and one of Remus's t shirts. He ran a brush through his hair, slipped it up into a bun, and crawled back into bed, this time under the covers.

"It's too late. Your brain can't possibly be absorbing any more information."

"You're probably right, but if I could just understand this one thing…"

"Remus take a break." Sirius stacked all of Remus's papers, ignoring his groans of distress, and put them neatly on the bedside table. "Is the test tomorrow?"

"No it's in a week-"

"Then they'll be waiting right there for you in the morning." Sirius kissed Remus again, deeper than before, letting his fingers trace along the cut of his jawline. "How was your day?" Sirius sank back into bed, Remus coming with him this time, curling up under his arm.

"Long. You smell like liquor."

"Mm." Sirius closed his eyes, trying to fight the wave of sleep crashing over him. "I work in a bar, Sherlock. Tell me something you learned today."

"Hmm. I learned that esters smell like fruits. Isoamyl acetate smells like bananas and pears."

Sirius laughed. "This is the education you're paying for? Finding out which chemicals smell like bananas?"

"Well I'm also learning how to make meth."

"I thought college was supposed to prepare you for a better life, not a life on the streets."

"It goes both ways."

They lay like that for a while, both of them ignoring the fact that they were tired and it was well past one in the morning. Once they started talking, it was usually hard to stop. Their voices were groggy and they were only half listening to each other's answers when Sirius asked a question he wasn't brave enough to ask fully awake.

"Rem, how did you get HIV?" He was expecting the other boy to shrink away, or stiffen, growing cold at the mention of those three fateful letters. But Remus didn't.

He flipped over onto his stomach, and tucked a strand of Sirius's hair behind his ears. "I don't know," He said softly, not breaking eye contact.

"You don't know?" Of all the answers Sirius had made up in his head, that one didn't even make top five.

"I don't know. I got what we thought was a really bad flu when I was five, and it turned out to be HIV."

Sirius couldn't remember a single time before tonight when Remus had said the word HIV without his voice breaking.

"But you can't just get HIV, right? It has to come from somewhere."

"I know that. We just don't know where it came from. I obviously didn't get it the traditional way. But, I was in a hospital setting a lot as a kid because my mom was a nurse, so we just assumed exposure might have come from there. It could have come from anywhere though. I was always getting scraped up as a kid."

"Don't they take precautions against that? Shouldn't a hospital be the last place you could get it?" Sirius tangled his fingers in Remus's hair.

"Of course they do." Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius's waist and rested his head on his chest. "But accidents happen. And we don't even know if that's where I got it."

They lay there silently for a while, Remus almost drifting off into sleep, but Sirius kept turning the conversation over and over in his mind. Remus was so passive about it. He had expected anger, tears, hatred. Not acceptance.

"Don't you ever wish that you did have someone to blame?" Sirius asked. He couldn't have dealt with a situation like this as gracefully as Remus was. He would need to point fingers, to declare someone guilty. He would need to _know._

"I did for a really really long time." Remus took a deep breath, and let out a sigh before beginning to tell the rest of his story. "I actually did blame someone when I was younger. I needed someone to hate so I made him up in my head."

Sirius hugged his boyfriend closer to him while he talked, Remus wrapping their legs together under the blanket.

"I called him Fenrir Greyback-"

"Uh...why?"

"Well Fenrir is actually a wolf from Norse mythology, who would kill and eat people. I don't know why I picked Greyback, it just seemed to fit. I needed a monster to blame."

"You nerd," Sirius whispered as he kissed Remus softly on the forehead. Remus continued his story.

"In my head he was this giant old man, who was dirty, and lived in the alleyway by my house, stealing other kids as they walked past, and infecting them. He was evil, and awful, and I was terrified of him, even though he wasn't real."

Remus was quiet for a second, collecting his thoughts.

"I made up that the reason he had stolen me was because my father had wronged him in some way. He stole me for revenge. The revenge idea was something that really helped me start to come to terms with it. A lot of my time in the early stages was spent on trying to think of what I had done wrong...what I had done to deserve this. And I couldn't think of anything anyone could do that would make them deserve this. This way it wasn't my fault."

His voice started to break a little as the image of Fenrir Greyback started to come to life again in his mind. Sirius held him tighter.

"Every night before I went to bed, I would think of ways I wanted to kill him. I would poison him, or run him through with a spear. I imagined shooting him, disemboweling him, hanging him, beating him to death. It was awful, but I hated him. I hated him for taking normality away from me, for making me suffer for the rest of my life for no reason."

Sirius was silent, staring at the immensity of Remus's soul bared before him.

"It took me a very long time to come to terms with the fact that there was no Fenrir Greyback. There was no revenge plot, no man waiting in the alley. I think I finally realized that having HIV doesn't villainize a person. That it doesn't make you inherently bad. That it didn't make me a monster."

His breath caught in his throat.

"Getting HIV wasn't something meant to punish me, it was just something that happened. It's something that I wish hadn't happened, but it doesn't make me immoral, or gross, or dirty. HIV is spread through bodily fluids, not indecency."

"And Fenrir Greyback? He's gone?"

"You know after all those years of hating him and killing him in my mind, I realized that he wasn't the person who gave me the disease. He _was_ the disease. And knowing that made it easier to stop thinking about him. He just wasn't worth it." Remus tilted his head up to look at Sirius. "So yeah." He thought back to the day he shared his status with all his friends. The day everyone, and especially Sirius, accepted him for who he was. "He's been gone for a while now."

They fell silent again, Remus listening to the rise and fall of Sirius's breathing.

"I love you." Sirius whispered into the dark.

Remus was already asleep.


	4. I'm Sorry

"Ugh I am so fucking tired of him." Lily groaned, putting her head down on the bar.

"I wouldn't mind beating him up for you." Sirius was polishing glasses behind the counter. It was only three in the afternoon so there weren't any other people in the bar, just Sirius, Lily, and Remus beside her, reading a book.

"No cause then I'd have to tell James he was bothering me again."

"You still haven't told him?" Remus looked up from his book. Even though Lily was still twenty for a few more months, Sirius slid her a drink. From the looks of it, it had been a rough day.

"James knows he's in my english class. He doesn't know he's started asking me out again."

Remus put the book away. "He's what?"

"It's not a big deal, I've turned him down a couple times. He knows we're just friends." Lily took a sip of the drink Sirius had given her.

"It doesn't sound like it. He knows you're dating James, right?" Sirius asked. Lily didn't answer. "Lil?"

"It's difficult with Sev. Sometimes it's easier to just withhold stuff from him."

"You can hear the words you're saying, right?" Remus's concerned expression matched Sirius's behind the bar.

"I've known him since I was ten. I love Severus, but he can be a difficult person sometimes. I know how to handle him, don't worry."

"Ignoring his unwanted sexual advances isn't 'handling it,' Lils." Sirius and Remus shared a glance. "I know it's hard to cut toxic people out of your life, but…"

"He's trash Lily," Remus spat out, "Get rid of him." Lily took a deep swig of her drink.

"I know you worked with him Remus, but you guys don't know him like I do. You can't just cut people out of your life. It's not easy. You don't understand." Lily said.

Sirius's eyebrows went up. "I don't understand?" He set the glass down on the counter with a clink, his fist gripping the washcloth tightly. "My mother is a toxic alcoholic homophobe, and my father is a coward who worships the very ground she stands on. My brother was raised to believe in their bigot ideals and hates me because of them. I'm a gay liberal working minimum wage in a bar who comes from a family of bigoted selfish lawyers, so I think I could teach you a few things about cutting toxic people out of your life, Lily Evans."

Lily's face was red, maybe from the alcohol, but probably from being put in her place. She didn't know what to say to that.

"You should at least tell him you're dating James." Remus, book long forgotten, chimed in from his barstool, nervously monitoring Sirius from the corner of his eye. Lily didn't answer.

The truth was, the harassment had been going on long before Lily and Severus Snape reunited in college. They had met in fifth grade. Lily had been moved to the front of the class in an effort to get her to stop talking to her fellow classmates. But Lily would talk to anyone, and although the teacher had hoped seating her next to the quiet Snape boy would prevent further disruptions, the two were soon best of friends. She even had Severus talking out of turn.

They soon discovered that they lived in the same neighborhood, and their class time shenanigans spilled over into the weekends, Lily showing him how to catch frogs by the creek, and Snape showing her how to make origami birds.

They had grown up together. Lily was always trying to include him in activities with her other friends, never really understanding why they didn't seem to like him. Never really understanding why he didn't seem to like them.

It wasn't until eighth grade that Snape had asked her out the first time. He had waited after school to walk her home, his hair combed, and holding a flower.

She said no.

Lily wasn't interested in romance with Sev. He was her best friend and she didn't understand why that wasn't enough.

He didn't ask again until sophomore year of high school. Severus went to a different high school than Lily, but they still spent almost every weekend together, traipsing through the forest near their neighborhood.

Lily said no again. She was dating a junior at her own school.

Suddenly Severus didn't want to be friends anymore.

The first time Lily had rejected him, Snape had been able to convince himself that it was because she wasn't interested in romance at all, not just that she wasn't interested in romance with him.

Lily was crushed. It's not that she had never thought about dating Sev, it's just that when she did, there wasn't anything there. She loved hanging out with him, but there was nothing beyond that. And she had spent nights upon nights wondering why. Wondering that maybe if she just started to date him, the feeling would follow. Wondering if it was selfish of her, rude of her to deny his request when she obviously enjoyed his company. Wondering if it would be that bad to date him and just pretend.

But when Severus told her that if she had a boyfriend, he didn't want to be friends, something inside her changed. Suddenly he didn't seem like her best friend. It confirmed something for her. If he only wanted to be friends when she was single, then he was only friends with her because he thought he stood a chance. It confirmed that he wasn't friends with her because she was funny, or smart, or kind. He wasn't friends with her because of who she was, but because of what she was. A girl.

It took him two months to come back. It took her two months to forget it hurt when he left. They were friends again. Lily forgot that it hurt that he made her feel like an object. She forgot how betrayed she had felt when he left. Because she missed him.

Soon it was as if things had never changed. And when she learned they would be attending the same college, she was thrilled. Finally they'd be at the same school again. She could introduce him to her high school friends. He could hang out with them, put faces to the names in stories she had told them.

But Snape had no interest in meeting her other friends. He only wanted to hang out with Lily alone. She pretended it didn't matter.

But recently, Lily was starting to become uncomfortable. He sat too close to her in class, let his gaze linger for too long. She had told him that their relationship was strictly platonic. When he had tried to put his arm around her during one of their movie nights, she had told him no, it made her uncomfortable. He did it anyways. She left early.

When she thought about ending their friendship, she couldn't see Severus for what he had become but for what he had been. The little fifth grader unfolding his paper crane so he could show her how to make one. The seventh grader screaming as she chased him around with a frog in her hands. The ninth grader staying up all night with her to talk about superhero movies until neither of them could keep their eyes open anymore.

She didn't want to think about it. So she let him sit too close. She let him stare too long. And she hoped when she told him about James, he wouldn't leave so fast.

But soon, Lily couldn't ignore it any longer. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she walked into her 9:00 English class, and took her spot next to Severus. She and James had been up all night arguing. She had told him about Severus. Well, he already knew about Severus, but she had told him the whole of it. He hadn't been too pleased.

While she had agreed to tell Severus that her and James were dating, James wanted him completely out of her life.

But she couldn't. And James, knowing he couldn't make decisions for her, as much as it killed him that she let Sev treat her like that, told her he'd support her. But he also told her he'd fight for her.

So as she slid into her seat next to Severus, who was also trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes, she told him.

"I have a boyfriend, Sev, I thought you should know."

Severus was awake now. "Excuse me?"

"His name is James and we've been dating for almost a year." She faced the front of the class and tried to pretend she didn't see the rage building between his ears.

"Alright, I hoped everyone finished the reading last night, because we're going to have a quiz." The professor started passing papers out.

"Lily." Snape hissed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I thought you'd be upset."

"No talking please." The professor got to their row, handing them quiz papers before moving on to the next students.

Lily avoided eye contact and began to take her quiz. Her and James had spent so much time talking last night that she hadn't had time to read. She was utterly fucked.

"Lily." Severus hissed again. She didn't answer. The professor shushed them from the front of the room.

The class passed their papers to the front and the professor began the lecture.

Wanting to talk, but not wanting to cause a scene, Severus began to pass Lily notes. She tried to ignore it, she really did, but then she saw what he had written.

 _If you've been dating him for almost a year, why have you been leading me on?_

Leading him on? How dare he, Lily thought, before furiously scribbling her own response.

 _Leading you on? I made it very clear to you I wanted nothing more than a platonic relationship. It's not my fault you chose to ignore me._

She passed the note back, fighting the urge to wad it up and throw it at him, flinching a little when she saw his lips pull back in a snarl as he read her response. Soon his pencil was on the paper, scribbling away.

 _Because hanging out alone with me on weekends, and getting lunch with me once a week is totally platonic._

Lily choked back a scream.

 _I hang out with you because we're friends. I told you I didn't want a relationship with you. There's nothing ambiguous about the word no._

 _You're a tease, Lily Evans._

 _I'm not doing this anymore, Sev. I'm happy with him. A friend would be happy for me._

She passed the note back, and tried with all her might to pay attention to the professor. Sev wrote something back, but she didn't look.

He took the note back and wrote something else, but she didn't look.

She didn't look.

She didn't look.

She subtly pulled her phone out of her bag to send a text. She had class all the way across campus after this and didn't want to walk alone. James was in chemistry lab for two more hours, but Sirius should be waking up right around now.

Lily(Sirius, can you walk me to my next class?)

A few minutes passed before his reply.

Sirius(Yeah sure. You ok?)

Lily(I told Sev. He didn't take it well and I don't want him to corner me after class.)

There wasn't any point in lying. Sirius's reply came at lightning speed this time.

Sirius(I'm on my way.)

Lily started packing her book bag before class ended so she could leave as fast as possible. As soon as the professor said "See you next class," she was out of her seat and halfway to the door.

"Lily!" Sev called behind her.

She didn't look.

Sirius was waiting right outside and he matched his pace to her hurried stride as soon as she flew out of the door.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, let's go." They started across the courtyard.

"I wasn't worth a date and now I'm not even worth a second glance?" Sev called, stopping Lily in her tracks. That comment had caught the attention of a few passerbys, including Remus who was crossing the courtyard in the other direction. When he recognized Severus, he began to run towards them.

"Why does me not wanting to date you make me the bad guy?" Lily had turned on her heel and was facing him now, giving him the second glance he so desperately wanted.

"I have been nothing but nice to you. For years I've had to play the role of the best friend, while everyone else in that damn highschool got a turn at dating you." They were shouting at each other now.

"You had to play the role of the best friend? Don't complain about being given the role you auditioned for." Sirius was holding Lily's arm, trying to prevent a punch he had seen building up.

"Let's go Lil, he's not worth it." Sirius whispered. Remus had reached them and was standing tensely next to Sirius.

"Why not me, Lily? God, I was so nice to you."

"Nice doesn't make you special Severus. I was nice to you too. And I did it because I was your friend not because I wanted to fuck you."

"Lily," Sirius whined, tugging her farther away.

"You were too busy fucking everyone else to have time for me I suppose. Slut." Severus spat the word at her feet, the weight of it making Lily reel. Remus and Sirius stood slack jawed. Sirius let go of her arm.

"I dated two people in high school, Severus. I know that seems monumental to you-"

"Lily, let's go." Remus had moved forward this time, reaching to pull her back, knowing a fight could get her expelled.

"Oh back off, faggot. She needs to answer for what she's-" Severus couldn't get the rest of his sentence out.

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?" Sirius's voice cut through the murmurs of the crowd. Severus hadn't just called Remus what Sirius thought he had. He pushed Remus and Lily behind him, taking immense pleasure in the fact that Snape visibly shrank away as Sirius approached him. He struggled to keep the string of expletives down, knowing Severus wasn't worth it. "We're leaving." He dragged Lily and Remus away.

"That's right. Run away, cunt." Severus shouted at Lily's back. Sirius broke before the other two. Remus reached for the hem of Sirius's shirt but he was already halfway across the courtyard in Snape's face.

"Listen the fuck up, Snivellus. I don't know where the fuck you get off, but trust me when I say that the women of the earth would thank you if you up and died. You bother my friend again and I will turn into your worst nightmare. I work nights and have no problem using my whole fucking day to terrorize you and make you fucking miserable. In fact I would enjoy it. So back the fuck up before I get Remus to give you a blood transfusion."

Sirius's heart stopped as he heard the words leave his mouth. That wasn't what he meant that wasn't what he meant that wasn't what he meant.

Snape didn't have time to respond before Remus was dragging Sirius away from the crowd, away from outside eyes and into an empty building.

That wasn't what he meant.

Lily followed them, slack jawed, wondering if she should call James, or Marlene.

Remus pulled him into an empty classroom and all but threw him into a seat.

"Remus I-"

"Don't you fucking dare." Remus shut him up with a look, his trembling voice barely above a whisper. Lily stood hesitantly in the doorway, wondering if she should even be there. Remus didn't look up, just pointed a finger in her general direction. "Get out." She left.

Sirius's heart was in his throat. He had never seen Remus so angry before. He had never made Remus so angry before. That wasn't what he meant.

Remus was silent but his body language was screaming. His hand were shaking as he held them over his mouth. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were darting around the room, furious. Looking everywhere but at Sirius where days ago Sirius was all they had seen. When he spoke, Sirius had to lean in to hear him.

"That's my life Sirius. You don't get to use it to prove a point."

"I know Rem, I'm-"

"That's my LIFE Sirius." His voice was loud now, jumping from a whisper to a shout. "That was privileged information, you don't get to just toss it around!" There was nothing in Remus's mind but white hot anger.

Sirius could feel his heart break with every word Remus spoke. He sat there defenseless, knowing Remus was right, knowing he had fucked up. He had fucked up, fucked up, again, like always. "I'm so sorry Rem-"

"Shut your fucking mouth." Remus stood silent for another minute. "Do you know how long it took me to work up the courage to tell you that? How dare you take that away. How dare you think yourself privileged enough to share that with somebody...somebody like him in front of a crowd full of strangers." Each word cut Sirius like a knife, but Remus was bleeding faster and harder from the knife in his back. And Sirius knew it.

"I would never wish what I go through on my worst enemy. And Snape isn't my WORST FUCKING ENEMY." The veins in Remus's temple were bulging, his rage barely contained within his small frame. "He's an asshole, and a jerk, and I hate him for what he does to Lily, but what the FUCK, Sirius?" Remus spat Sirius's name out like it tasted of gasoline.

"It was selfish, and thoughtless, and you used it for your own sake. You used me Sirius." Remus paused, the gears clicking in his brain. He had finally found what he need to sharpen the knife that would cut Sirius in half. Because all Remus wanted to do right now was hurt Sirius. To show him how it felt when someone took your worst qualities and twisted them out into the open. Because if Sirius was going to tear a gaping hole in Remus's chest, Remus was going to tear Sirius one to match.

"You're just like your family. Doing what you want at the expense of someone else. It's something your mother would do." He had thought it would help but it only made the ache in his chest worse as he watched the tears spill down Sirius's face. Still he dealt the final blow. "You're just like your family. And Black is not a good color on you."

Remus wiped at his own face, just now noticing the tear tracks down his cheeks. He composed himself a much as he could, and started towards the door, headed for his next class.

He paused, one hand on the door frame, and spoke over the quiet sobs behind him. "Don't come home tonight. I'll leave your things on the front step."

He left, sitting mere minutes later in his math class, like nothing had happened.


	5. Together

You know you really care about someone when your brain gets angry but your heart doesn't.

It had been a week since Remus had spoken to Sirius. He wanted to, but his head was just so mad. Every time he thought about what had happened it hurt. His head pounded, and the ground swam before his eyes. _What gave him the right? Who did he think he was?_

But when Remus wasn't thinking about it, he missed Sirius with every fiber of his being. He didn't notice it at first, it wasn't something he was trying to do. But there would be split seconds where he would turn to tell him something and he wasn't there. When he would reach for his phone to send him a quick text before remembering. When he would begin to make two pieces of toast in the morning instead of his usual one. Worst of all was when he would roll over in the middle of the night, reaching for someone, wanting arms and legs and hair, and coming up with only sheets.

Every morning Remus got up and tried to pretend he didn't still love him.

Sirius had been staying with James since he had picked up his bags that night. If Remus was telling himself every morning that he didn't love Sirius, Sirius was telling himself every morning that he didn't miss Remus. That he didn't deserve to.

Every text he typed out was deleted. _This is your fault._ Every letter he wrote down was erased. _You don't deserve a second chance._ Every word he wanted to say to say got swallowed. _He doesn't want to hear you._ Every step towards his old home, back tracked. _He doesn't want to see you._

He hated the pitying looks he got from James every morning. The way Lily bit her tongue every time she saw him. The way conversations stalled every time he walked in the room. Oh how he wanted to apologize, but nothing he could think to say was enough.

So Sirius threw himself into work, picking up extra shifts, staying late, working overtime without pay, just so he didn't have to see his friends. Just so he didn't have to go home.

Home. He couldn't go home.

Instead he had to return to James's dorm room every night, and he was so grateful James had let him stay with him, but all he wanted to do was climb into bed- _his bed-_ with Remus one more time.

One of his coworkers walked into the bar, finding him slumped behind the wooden slab, head in his hands.

"Shift's done, you can take off."

"Are you sure you don't want me to cover for you? I don't mind staying." Sirius didn't take his head out of his hands, the conversation muffled through his fingers.

"Man, you've taken three of my shifts this week alone. Any more and I'm going to be out of a job."

Sirius slung his bag over his shoulder and sullenly began the walk home. No. Not home.

Walking down the hallway, Sirius could hear muffled voices behind James's door.

"How do you stop being in love with someone?"

"I don't think that's on our chemistry test, Rem."

Sirius, the words not registering, opened the door. All heads turned towards him, James at his desk, and Lily and Remus crowded around chemistry notes on the floor. James and Lily and Remus. _And Remus._

For a second, no one spoke.

"Shit man, we thought you were going to be at work for another hour at least." James was the first to move, getting up from his desk and in between Remus and Sirius, shielding Sirius's view.

But not before he had seen those eyes. The ones he hadn't seen in a week. The ones that could look into his very soul.

"I'm sorry. I-" Sirius stuttered, "I'll leave. Walk around for a bit." He didn't have anywhere else to go. Except maybe back to the bar to get drunk.

"No, I'll go." The first words Remus had said to him since he had told him not to come home. He scooped his chemistry notes into his bookbag. "I'll see you in the library tomorrow, Lils, and we can study some more." He rushed out of the room, his face flaming, his arm barely touching Sirius as he fled, the door slamming behind him.

Sirius couldn't look either of his shocked friends in the eye. He dropped his bag, sunk down in a corner and began to cry.

James and Lily whispered goodbyes to each other, Lily leaving with her stuff, and James sitting down at the end of his bed.

"Sirius?" He spoke softly after a few minutes. Sirius tried to stop sobbing, tried to stop the ache in his chest that was ripping him apart.

"I'm fine." He wiped his eyes, getting up shakily.

"You're not. I think you should talk to him."

"What am I supposed to say James?" James had expected him to sound sad, but the only thing in Sirius's voice was defeat. "I don't deserve him, James. I'm never going to find something like this again, and I want it back so fucking bad, but it's my own fucking fault and nothing I say can make it right." Sirius desperately tried to fight the second wave of tears as the spilled out of his eyes.

Outside the dorm, Lily had caught up with Remus.

"Remus wait." He stopped but didn't turn, trying to dry his face before she could see him. "You still love him. You told me yourself."

He turned to face her, his cheeks still damp. "So?"

"You've got to let him know. Talk to him. He's killing himself over this and I can't stand back and watch you both suffer."

"I'm not suffering."

"Yeah and I'm the Queen." Lily crossed her arms. "Don't lie to me Remus. I see you break every time you catch yourself wanting to say something to him."

"I don't know what to say."

"Tell him you forgive him. It was a mistake, Remus."

"I don't know that I do."

"Do you think you could?"

"Eventually."

"He deserves to know." Lily let him go on his way, walking the opposite direction to her own dorm. Her heart hurt at the thought of her two friends never speaking again. In a way she felt partially responsible, since it had all been to protect her.

And Snape hadn't bothered her since. They had saved her from him but it had torn them apart.

And she had never seen two people love each other more than Remus and Sirius. Not even her and James, and she knew for a fact she was going to marry him one day. They would never find something like that again. It couldn't be over. It just couldn't.

Another week goes by slower than both of them thought time could pass. Sirius saw Remus three times, each time darting his glance down, quickening his pace, trying to forget the times he couldn't look away, the times he had never wanted to leave. Remus saw him too, his heart breaking with each step Sirius walked away.

There were so many times during that week that Sirius wanted to reach out. But he can't, scared of overstepping bounds...again. Why is it harder to say sorry when you understand how much you were wrong?

Lily pestered Remus all week. "Talk to him Rem, just talk to him." Nothing gets through.

Except for James.

"Remus we need to talk." Remus tried not to roll his eyes back into his head, mentally preparing himself for the barrage of 'but you love him' and 'he's really sorry.'

"Yeah James?"

"Me and Lily broke up."

"What!?" He was kidding right? "What happened James?"

"She called me obnoxious. Disagreeable. Took my worst fears and confirmed them." Remus was confused. They had broken up because of...that?

"I don't mean to be rude James, but that sounds like a bit of an overreaction."

"She wouldn't have said it if she didn't mean it. I mean forget all the amazing times we had, if that's how she really feels, forget it."

"Do you hear yourself?' Remus asked. "You're throwing away all the wonderful times you had over something she said, probably in anger, and probably...no definitely didn't mean?"

"You're right. Just because she said something she didn't mean doesn't mean I don't love her. Doesn't erase every fantastic memory I have with her face in it. Doesn't mean I can't forgive her, or trust her again."

Remus was beginning to understand what this conversation was about. "You guys didn't really break up did you."

"No."

"He did a bit more than call me obnoxious, James."

"I know. But the principle still stands."

"It's not the-" Remus started but James cut him off.

"I know it's not the same Remus. I know what he said broke your trust and hurt more than I'll ever understand. I'm just using an easier to understand situation to get you to _try_ to see that throwing this away might be something you'll regret."

Remus didn't answer.

"Do you remember your first date? I know we've never talked about it together, but I can tell you that the night Sirius came home, he talked to me about you until three in the morning. I've listened to in depth, thesis level analyses of almost all of your dates, with pleasure, because I have never seen him so happy. Do you remember all the times I've come to you guys for relationship advice? It's not just because we're friends, its because you guys _work._ "

"But what he said-"

"What he said was a mistake. HIV is not what he sees when he looks at you Rem. I am more sure of that than almost anything in the world. Because he's told me what he sees when he looks at you. And it's your sense of humor, your mind, your compassion, your amazing drive. And it should be him telling you this, not me, I know, but he is killing himself over this."

Remus stood there, his breath caught.

"Don't do this to him. Don't do this to yourself. Just-" James put his hand on Remus's shoulder, "Talk to him. At least." His speech said, James wandered off to his next class, leaving Remus stunned in the courtyard.

When Sirius got home he was drunk. It had been a slow night at the bar, and all he wanted was a tequila or maybe seven. Who cares if you get fired if you're not going to amount to anything anyways.

He fumbled with the lock on James's door for about three minutes before stumbling through the door frame, knocking over a lamp as he went.

"Heeeeeeeeeey Jamesss." He slurred, smiling bleary eyed, up at James and Lily, who were talking earnestly to each other. "Can't feel hurt iff youuu can't feeeeeel your faaace."

"Sirius oh my god, are you drunk?" James looked disappointed and Lily had her hand over her mouth. "Oh, buddy, this is literally the worst night to be drunk."

"I'm not drunk." Sirius tried to stand up straight but the effort made him giggle. "I'm shiiitfaaced."

"Oh my god," Lily groaned, "Sirius, did you see the door?"

James had walked over to the door of his room and peeled down a piece of paper that had been taped there. He handed it to Sirius.

"To drunk to read to drunk to read." Sirius mumbled, handing the paper back. If he could have seen through the tequila flavored haze he would have read ' _We need to talk. Meet me at the courtyard?'_ in Remus's hurried handwriting.

"Sirius, it Remus. He wants to talk to you."

Even the news he had been waiting for all week couldn't sober him up completely. But he made an effort. "What? I'll go I'll go I'll go-" He hiccuped and then clamped a hand over his mouth. "Shiiit," Sirius ran to the bathroom, punctuating his arrival by throwing up. James sighed, hoping he had made the toilet.

"He's not going anywhere. I'll put him in bed. Call Remus and tell him he can come if he wants but he's not going to remember anything in the morning." James kissed Lily on the forehead and went into the bathroom to try and guide Sirius into a bed.

Minutes after the call Remus was knocking on James's door.

"Tequila?"

"Smells like it." Lily let him in and he rushed over to the bed where Sirius was almost passed out.

"Hey you idiot." He sat down by the side of the bed. "How many?" Sirius held up seven fingers. Remus hoped it was because he was too drunk to count. "Jesus Christ, Siri, you know tequila makes you do stupid things."

"Oooh, like that one tiiime…"

"Oh boy, they don't need to hear about that." Remus shut him up before he could finish the story. James and Lily, sensing there would be other things they didn't need to hear, quietly left the room.

Remus sat by his bed for a while, holding James's trash can for him to puke in, and stroking his hair, winding his fingers in between the dark strands. It's amazing how quick old habits return. Everything he had wanted to say to him in the courtyard melted away. Remus knew he hadn't meant it, and even the day it had happened he had seen how instantly Sirius regretted it. It was pointless to make him- to make them both- suffer.

Remus was almost asleep himself, when a drunk voice floated out into the quiet.

"Remus. I'm sorry."

"I know Sirius. I forgive you."

"Nooo. You shouldn't." Came the slurred reply.

"Well I do anyways." Seeing Sirius again had made Remus realize that James was right. He would regret throwing this away. It was stupid to be angry. How could anyone be angry at this tiny drunk slob. " I think this hangover is going to be punishment enough."

That made Sirius laugh, and soon Remus was laughing as well. One super drunk idiot, and one totally in love fool rolling around laughing at nothing.

The laughter subsided, the alcohol just at the point of putting Sirius to sleep. Remus brushed Sirius's hair of his damp forehead and kissed him right on the hairline, wrinkling his nose at the strong tequila smell.

"I love you, Sirius Black."

"I love you too."


	6. No Longer a Black

It had been almost six months since Sirius had woken up with that monster hangover to see Remus Lupin sleeping next to his bed on the floor. Their relationship resumed tentatively, with them going on dates, and Sirius walking Remus to class. But then Remus had asked him to move back in and it took off full force.

"We're supposed to meet Lily and James for dinner tonight at six. I think Marlene's coming too." Sirius was sprawled out on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels on the tv.

"Ok, I have class until five. If I walk home quick, we can fuck before we leave." Remus was curled up in a chair, reading a book.

Sirius's head whipped around, blushing. Over the past month Remus had been very forward about, uh, making up for lost time.

"Haha calm down, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention." Remus laughed. Making Sirius embarrassed never got old.

"The offer's still on the table, though?" It was Remus's turn to blush.

"Yes you idiot, it's still on the table." He buried his nose back in his book.

"You know…" Sirius's voice floated across the room. "If you skipped your last class, we could try that-"

"Sirius." Remus cut him off. "I'm not going to pass organic chemistry if I skip class to fuck you."

Sirius, over on the couch, flipped over onto his stomach, the daytime tv behind him long forgotten. "You know, when you're on your deathbed, you're not going to be thinking 'wow I really wish I had done better in organic chemistry.' You're going to be thinking 'wow I sure wish I had fucked Sirius more.'"

"Wow you have such a solid grasp of my inner monologue." Remus rolled his eyes sarcastically as he checked his watch. "I've got class, I have to go."

"OR," Sirius said, "You could skip ALL your classes!" He wiggled his eyebrows at his own brilliant idea.

"It's a wonder I get anything done at all." Remus tipped Sirius's chin up as he walked past the couch, kissing him hungrily before walking out the door.

Sirius flipped back over and tried to stomach his sexual frustration with some Judge Judy.

The hours ticked by as Remus was at class. He didn't have work today and he was just so bored.

He flipped through the channels for a few hours.

He cleaned their room. _God, Remus, it wouldn't kill you to put your socks in the hamper instead of RIGHT WHERE YOU TAKE THEM OFF._

He watched some more tv.

He took the laundry down to the laundry room in their apartment complex. "Hey Mrs. Heathers. Yes, I know it's 1 pm. I'm aware I'm still in my pajamas. Not all of us can have it together, you see."

He sat on the washer as it ran, and tried to do the crossword puzzle in that days paper. _Prying or inquisitive neighbor. 4 letters._ Sirius looked over at Mrs. Heathers who was still eyeing him. _Nosy._

After the laundry was done, Sirius hauled it up stairs and began putting it away. It took him a lot less time than he had thought it would. Ugh. He looked at the clock. Two hours until Remus got home.

He slipped his hair into a bun, leaning against the window, looking down at the parking lot of their apartment complex. _Their._

It felt good to be able to say it again. And it felt _good_ to be with Remus again.

Their first date post hangover had included a very long conversation about how to move on. Sirius had been focusing on how to make it easier for Remus to forgive, but, to Sirius's surprise, Remus was only interested in how to forget. In his own words, "Thinking about it wastes too much of my energy. I don't want to think about it anymore. I know I love you."

 _I know I love you._ Sirius still felt so undeserving, but Remus had been extremely true to his word. He didn't seem to waste any of his energy thinking about what happened. Not when his energy could be used for...other things.

Sirius pulled himself out of a very explicit daydream to see the mail truck pulling away from the post boxes down below. That's what he could do, get the mail.

He looked down at his outfit, still pajamas, but shrugged. Who cares? Walking outside, however, he kept adjusting his pants. _Think about your grandma, or dead dogs, or something._

The mailbox was pretty full today. He sifted through the envelopes as he walked back up to their place.

The utility bill for the month.

He reached the top of the stairs.

A magazine subscription for Remus.

He was halfway down the hall.

A letter from Alice and Frank.

His hand froze on the door knob.

 _A letter from his brother._

Numbly, his heart pounding in his ears, Sirius opened the door and slipped inside. The other three letters were tossed aside on the kitchen counter as he sunk on to the couch, unblinking, staring at the envelope in his hand.

He slipped his thumb under the corner of the flap, opening the envelope just a tiny bit before his shaking hands dropped it on the floor.

 _I can't open this,_ he thought. He got off the couch, his shaking legs carrying him behind the kitchen counter. He rubbed his mouth with his hand, nervously, and stared at the white rectangle still on the living room floor.

Fear pooled in the bottom of his abdomen, knotting his intestines and tearing at the walls of his insides. His head was numb from shock, the only thought in his head was 'no' played over and over.

The fear didn't come from his brothers name scrawled across the middle of the envelope. It came from the fact that it was scrawled in his mother's handwriting.

It was a trick as old as any of the other mind games Walburga Black played with her son. She learned early on that any letter she sent signed from herself would get thrown out. Maybe burned. But oh, she could drive Sirius to the brink of death, but she couldn't make him hate his brother. Not for lack of trying, of course.

Of course, Sirius knew this trick. He knew it was from his mother, and he could throw this letter away just as easily as the others. But if she was using Reg's name to get his attention, it was important. Not 'I desperately need to get into contact with my son' important but 'ignoring this letter will have worse consequences than opening it' important.

It was a cheap trick. She didn't care.

For half an hour, it was just him and that envelope staring at each other across the room.

What could it possibly be about? There was only one way for Sirius to answer that question but even the thought of tearing open the envelope to read it made him want to vomit in fear.

He walked shakily to where he had dropped it. He picked it up tentatively and walked back over to the trash can. He couldn't open it, but he couldn't drop it either.

When Remus got back from class he walked in to find Sirius still standing there, hovering over the trash can.

"Hey!" He paused. "What are you doing?" Sirius didn't answer, just looked up at Remus, his brow furrowed and lips slightly parted.

"Ok, don't answer." Remus walked over to where he was standing, grabbing the letter out of his hand. "The bills can't be that bad." He looked down. "Oh shit."

It was quiet for a minute, Sirius's shortened breath the only sound in the room.

"How long have you been standing there?" Remus asked quietly. He wasn't sure if he should keep holding the letter, or hand it back. Sirius kept quiet. "Sirius, talk to me."

"I can't open it. I have to know what it says but I can't open it."

"Do you want me to?" Remus's own hands were shaking.

"Yes. No. I don't know."

The stared at each other, and then the letter, both of them nervous and unsure. Remus watched Sirius take a deep breath, swallow the fear that was filling him up, and try to steady his hands.

"Give it to me." Remus handed over the letter. Sirius ripped it open, ignoring his shaking fingers, and flattened it out on the kitchen counter.

 _Sirius Orion,_

 _This letter is just a formality to inform you of some legal changes you will be required to make, as a result of some recent developments. You have been removed from the Black family will, and will be receiving nothing in the way of money or estate, at any point in time. Steps have recently been completed to have you legally disowned, so upon you receiving this letter, you are no longer a member of the Black family. I'm sure this does not come as a shock to you._

 _However, because of these processes, we are writing to inform you that, legally, you are no longer allowed to use the surname Black. It is not extremely expensive to change a last name, I'm sure you could manage it even on minimum wage. We are requiring proof of the name change to be sent back to us. If it is not received within the month, you will be contacted by legal representation._

 _We can not have the kind of person you have become tarnish our reputation, and the high standing name of Black._

 _Good day,_

 _Black._

The letter was signed simply Black, one last blow, taunting the name he wasn't allowed to have right in his face. Sirius could feel Remus's pity behind him as he finished reading the letter over his shoulder. He stiffened his face and walked to the fridge, pulling out a beer. Sirius popped the top off, and let half of it slide down his throat before he took a breath.

"Sirius…" Remus said, his voice quiet and apologetic. Sirius put out a finger to stop him, before downing the rest of his beer.

"FUCK." He turned around and hurled his empty beer bottle at the wall behind him, shattering it. He saw Remus jump out of the corner of his eye, but he kept his mouth shut. He grabbed another beer out of the fridge.

"I'll clean it up later." He downed the entire beer in one gulp this time, wiping his mouth as he finished.

"Sirius…" Remus started again.

"What?" Sirius looked at him, trying to look angry, trying to look unaffected but the look on Remus's face made him crack. He leaned forward, propping himself up against the counter as he fought the tears threatening to spill down his face.

"Hey hey hey," Remus whispered softly as he crossed the kitchen to pull Sirius into a hug. "Who cares about them? You forgot them years ago."

Sirius sobbed into his shoulder. "I hate the name Black anyways." He mumbled through tears.

"I know you do."

"But it was my choice to hate it." Sirius stepped back, wiping the tears from his face, trying to compose himself. "I don't even want it but I didn't… I didn't think they'd take it away."

Remus wiped a stray tear from Sirius's cheek.

"I wish that bitch wouldn't drag Reg into this."

"Sirius." Remus fiddled with something in his pocket.

"I could just not have a last name. I could be like Beyonce."

"Sirius…"

"Or Rihanna. Or Cher. Or Lorde. Or Pink. Or Drake."

"Sirius."

"Having only one name is more common than I thought, damn."

"Uh, Sirius." The thing Remus had been fiddling with was out of his pocket now.

"I mean there's Madonna. Halsey. Sia. Adele. Does anyone know Adele's last name?" Sirius was distractedly pulling a third beer out of the fridge. He turned around to find Remus bright red and holding a small velvet box.

"I know you're traditionally supposed to get down on one knee for this, but, well there's glass on the floor."

"Remus what are you doing?"

"I've been thinking of doing this for a while, with graduation coming up and all that. I love you and we've been through hell and are still standing, and well, you need a new last name."

Sirius couldn't find any words, all he could do was gasp and try not to drop his beer.

"I was thinking…" Remus popped open the ring box. "That maybe you could take mine?"

There were about two milliseconds in between the moment Sirius finally got the word 'yes' out of his mouth and the moment he firmly and hungrily pressed his lips up against Remus, missing his mouth in his excitement, and hitting up against his cheek. He soon found his original mark, their mouths moving in perfect harmony, Remus leaning back from the shock of Sirius's momentum.

"Shit I dropped it, hold on." Remus bent down and picked up the ring, smiling as Sirius helped him slip it onto his ring finger. It was only a simple gold band, but Remus had gotten the outside engraved with a delicate rendition of the Sirius constellation.

"I love it."

"I love you." They kissed again, Sirius breaking away just so he could look at it again. He looked up at the clock. "We're going to be late for dinner."

"Better get going then?" Remus held out his hand and Sirius took it, but not before crumpling up the letter and throwing it in the trash.

"Do you think a wedding invitation is proof enough of my name change?" Sirius asked.

"Oh god, what if they come?" They looked at each other and cracked up laughing. As if anyone bearing the 'high standing name of Black' would be caught dead at a gay wedding.

Hands firmly clasped together, they headed out the door.

"Oh my god, they are so going to freak at dinner."

"I say we don't mention it and make bets on who notices first. Loser pays."

"Deal."

The door closed behind them.

They got all the way to the parking lot before either of them realized that Sirius was still in his pajamas.


	7. Language Barriers

"It doesn't look right, Lils, it just doesn't. How do I fix it?"

"Take a Xanax?"

"NOT the day for sarcasm." Remus was firmly planted in front of the mirror set up in the back room of a church trying to fix his hair without creasing his suit.

"Remus, hon, it looks fine." Marlene was holding her breath as Lily zipped up the back of her bridesmaids dress.

"'Fine' is not the look I'm going for. 'Fine' isn't going to make him cry when he sees me at the altar. He sees 'fine' every day."

"Oh my god. I expected Sirius to be the dramatic one, not you." Lily draped Marlene's hair around her shoulders, and walked over to deal with Remus's. She licked her fingers and twisted the strand he had been messing with for half an hour, letting it fall in a perfect coil as she took her hand away. "There. Now keep your hands out of you hair so it stays that way."

Alice laughed from the corner. "Mom voice!" She made an invisible check in the air with her finger. Lily, one hand on her pregnant belly, rolled her eyes. Ever since her friends had found out she was pregnant, they had been keeping mental total of every time she broke out her parental tones.

Remus watched the three girls help each other finish their makeup as he tried to control his sweating palms. It had been a while since the gang had been all in the same place, and it felt good to have his best friends surrounding him, joking like usual. Especially today.

The engagement had lasted a little longer than both Remus and Sirius had anticipated, since both of them would have readily gotten married at City Hall the day after Remus proposed. But Remus's mom had suggested they wait until he graduated college. There hadn't been any reason to rush, so they had waited those two years, watching their friends James and Lily get married, and then pregnant, in between.

James, now experienced in the nuances of marriage, was a few rooms away giving Sirius some sage advice.

"Now, you're going to want to cry as soon as you start walking down the aisle, but trust me, sobs don't really coincide with Pachelbel's canon so you're going to want to wait until you get up the altar."

"Gee thanks mate." Sirius had a few fistfuls of hair in his hand, a youtube tutorial pulled up on his phone resting on the counter.

"Oh! And don't drink all of your first champagne glass at the reception because then you'll get tipsy too fast, and the wedding photographer will capture all of your shitty dancing." He rubbed his chin, trying to think of other important bits of wisdom to impart.

"Ok I've watched this tutorial like eight times and I still don't think I'm doing it right."

James looked at Peter and Frank, who both shrugged. None of them were going to be any help for this. "Want me to get Marlene?"

Sirius sighed in defeat. "Yeah, bring her over."

James scurried down the hall of the church, popping his head through the door where his wife and their friends were. "Hey gorgeous!"

Lily smiled, "Hey-"

"Not you, Remus." James winked as Lily pouted. "Can I borrow Marlene for a second?"

"Yeah, what for?"

"We need help loading the getaway car."

"Wait, wha-"

But James ignored Remus, pulling Marlene out of the room and down the hall. She walked in to find a sleepy Frank and Peter and an exasperated Sirius.

"Please tell me you know how to french braid."

Inside the church, guests were mingling amongst the pews, greeting each other warmly as they found their seats. Remus's parents were at the front, chatting with the preacher, and waving hello to a few of Remus's college professors. Mcgonagall had been invited, entering the church in a beautiful green gown. James did a double take as he walked by.

"Geez, Minnie, if you look better than Sirius, he's going to pitch a fit."

McGonagall scoffed. "I've told you not to call me that Mr. Potter. Do you fancy a detention this afternoon."

"Ah! You can't pull that card anymore, dearest." He flashed a wide grin and hurried off to whatever errand he was busy with before.

Soon the guests were seated and a very nervous Remus was standing at the altar, his three bridesmaids behind him.

Seeing as how their wedding didn't really conform to tradition anyhow, Remus got the bridesmaids but Sirius got to walk down the aisle. Remus had at least talked him down from doing a cartwheel in the middle of his procession.

Remus, situated in front of the priest, watched James appear at the doors in the back of the sanctuary as the music started. Slowly, he walked down the aisle, making faces at Lily the entire time. He was followed by Frank. And then Peter. And then Sirius.

The music swelled as Sirius started down the empty row between the seated guests. Remus tried to control his fluttering stomach as he saw that his hair was french braided. That must have been what Marlene was for.

Sirius had been so excited about this day and you could read it on his face. His suit fit him perfectly and he had made Lily paint his nails the night before. Pale blue. To match the bridesmaids dresses. He tried to look regal as he walked down the aisle but nothing could keep that cheesy smile off his face.

And oh Remus looked perfect as well. His hair, despite his grumbling, looked angelic, and he was already fighting back tears. His suit was lighter than Sirus's and fit him like a glove. Sirius had to make a conscious effort not to stare at his ass as he got closer.

A few more measures and they were standing in front of each other. They took each other's hands.

The priest was saying something, but Sirius couldn't hear. He was getting lost in Remus's eyes again. Luckily, Remus was paying attention well enough to take his cue. Taking a deep breath, he started his vows.

"Sirius Black I have never been more in love with any one in my entire life." Sirius smiled as he felt his heart jump up to his throat. _Don't cry._ He thought. _Don't cry, it will mess up your vows._

Remus continued "I've been told that its damn near impossible to find someone who completely understands you and loves you anyways." Leave it to Remus to swear in his wedding vows. "I guess I'm just lucky, because I found you so quickly." He laughed and squeezed Sirius's hand.

"We've already spent a huge chunk of our lives together and I am so thankful for the memories we have. You'll always be my partner in crime, my favorite view, the eye to my hurricane." He recounted a few of his favorite memories, a few small pranks they had played together, getting a laugh from the audience.

"But I can't even begin to express how excited I am for the memories we'll get to make. You'll still be my partner in crime, but you'll also be my co pilot. Still my favorite view but also my other half. The eye to my hurricane and the wind that drives me forward." Remus turned to take Sirius's ring from Lily. He held it out like a promise.

"I love you, and now I'll never leave you. I'm yours, Sirius Orion Black, till death do us part." Sirius had to bite his cheek to keep the tears back, the words 'I'm yours' making his stomach explode with butterflies.

The priest said something else that Sirius didn't hear, still caught up in how beautiful Remus's vows had been.

Oh no. It was his turn. He took a deep breath and began.

"Remus, Minä rakastan sinua **(Remus I love you)** ," Sirius smiled as he watch Remus's face go slack. "Mutta minulla on salaisuus, ja elämämme yhdessä ei voi alkaa epärehellisyydellä **(But I have a secret and our life together can't start with dishonesty)**. Tiedän, kuinka puhua suomea ja minulla on jonkin aikaa **(I know how to speak finnish, and I have for a while)**. Koko elämäni **(my whole life, actually)**."

Remus's hands had gone numb with shock. The language sounded so beautiful coming out of Sirius's mouth, his tongue perfectly rounding over each syllable. But Sirius could speak Finnish? Sirius could speak Finnish!? He answered him the beautiful language, momentarily interrupting him.

"miksi et kertonut minulle? **(Why didn't you tell me?)** "

"Koska rakastuin sinuun tämän kielen kautta **(Because I fell in love with you through this language)**. Sain tietää sinut sanojen läpi, joita luulit, etten ymmärtänyt **(I got to know you through the words you thought I didn't understand)**. makeat asiat, jotka sanoit minulle ja sitten kertoivat minulle, että he olivat loukkauksia **(When you'd say sweet things to me, but tell me they were insults)**. Kun pyytäisin sinua puhumaan likainen minulle, mutta kerrot säästä **(When I would ask you to talk dirty, and you would talk to me about the weather)**. Olisin pitänyt kertoa sinulle, mutta en halunnut päästää irti. **(I should have told you but I didn't want to let go of this)** " The words tumbled out of his mouth all at once. Remus was no longer breathing, just staring in shock, his face frozen in a smile.

"Tiedän, että koko tämän päivän kohta oli kertoa kaikille tässä huoneessa, kuinka paljon rakastan sinua **(I know that the point of today was to get up in front of everyone and tell them how much I love you)**. Mutta, Remus, kaikki täällä jo tietävät sen **(But, Remus, everyone in here already knows that)**. Tarvitsen sinua kuulemaan sen. **(I need you to hear it)** " Sirius squeezed Remus's hand, staring straight into his eyes in the dead silent room.

"Minä rakastan sinua, Remus Lupin **(I love you Remus Lupin)**. Haluan aina haluta kuunnella sinua, ja toivon, että haluat aina kuunnella minua **(I will always want to listen to you, and I hope that you'll always want to listen to me too)**." Sirius took Remus's ring from James and slipped it on Remus's finger, smiling up at his tearful face.

Hope Lupin, the only person in the audience besides her husband who had understood Sirius's vows, was dabbing the steady stream of tears flowing down her face with a tissue.

Soon the priest was finished, the words 'you may now kiss-' barely out of his mouth as Remus lunged towards Sirius, his hands on his face and his mouth pressed firmly up against Sirius's lips. Sirius leaned into the kiss, ignoring James's cheering in the background, a little voice in the back of his head saying _calm down, calm down. There's people in here, you can't fuck him yet._

Remus broke them apart, reluctantly, and they made their way down the aisle, smiles splitting both their faces right down the middle. Their friends happily trailed after them, Lily's face damp with tears.

As they passed the doors of the sanctuary Remus, his hand firmly clasped in Sirius's, whispered, "Of course you fucking out did me with your vows."

The reception is just as beautiful as the ceremony, and all the guests were having a wonderful time.

Sirius and Remus danced their first dance to Tchaikovsky's symphony 6 ("It's gay LEGEND, Rem") and make quite a fool of themselves in the process.

Lily, pregnant and as a result newly sober, was having a wild time playing designated driver, laughing at Marlene's drunk attempts to seduce a cocktail waitress, and filming James's drunk flirting with Mcgonagall on her phone. "Sorry professor, I'd try and stop him but this is too much fun."

About half way through the reception, while Sirius was playfully dancing with Hope in the middle of the dance floor, Remus walked over to stand by his dad, who is watching them.

"Not really how you expected this day would go, huh?" Remus shoved his hands in his pockets, not making eye contact, instead watching his mother step on Sirius's feet. The quiet man next to him looked over, stirring the drink in his hand.

"Better." He turned back to watch his wife and his new son-in-law.

For the second time that day, Remus's smile was bigger than it had ever been.

The reception ended late that night, Sirius and Remus thanking the many guests and hopping in a taxi to a hotel. They had a plane to catch in the morning. Sirius had wanted to go to Italy for their honeymoon and Remus just wanted to be wherever Sirius was.

Both of them were exhausted. Remus leaned against the window letting Sirius lay across his lap. He tangled his fingers in Sirius's french braid.

"Can you believe we're married?" Sirius whispered, fighting to keep his heavy eyelids open.

"I can't believe you fucking speak finnish." Remus chuckled back, tilting his husband's (his husband!) head up and kissing him again.

"You should've seen the look on your face." Sirius mumbled sleepily.

By the time they got up to their hotel room, both of them were dead on their feet. They barely made it to the bed before they were asleep.

But although the wedding night 'festivities' might have been slept through, that week in northern Italy sure as hell made up for it.


	8. The End of the World

Sirius and Remus enjoy the first few years of their married life, Remus getting a job as a chemistry teacher at their old high school. Sirius pursues several careers: bartending, tattoo artistry, mechanics. Eventually, to the surprise of most of their friends, he starts a moderately successful bakery. All the product names are puns. Once Harry is born, it takes them a year of babysitting to decide they want to adopt. Again, to the surprise of most, it's Sirius who brings it up first. Of course it's a battle to get an adoption agency to let a gay, HIV positive couple to adopt, but there's hardly an argument Remus can't win. They adopt a little boy first, and name him Reggie, after Regulus. Sirius's little brother did become a lawyer, carrying on the Black tradition, but he uses his license for environmental law and activism. Tragically, he was killed at a protest against unlawful waste disposal that got out of hand. It's one of Sirius's greatest regrets that they never reconciled their relationship. A few years later they adopt a little girl. They name her Hope, after Remus's mom, who is absolutely smitten with both her grandchildren. Things are by no means easy, but they make a good family, and both Hope and Reggie get along great with cousin Harry. Several years later…

"Hope, if you're not in the kitchen in five minutes we're leaving without you!" Sirius called over his shoulder as he shoved ziplocs of baby carrots and sandwiches into two brown paper bags. Reggie was sitting across from him at the counter, shoving oatmeal down his throat while reading a comic book.

"How many times do I have to tell you that yelling doesn't make me do my hair any faster?" The ten year old screamed from her bathroom down the hall.

"You know it's you that she gets this sass from," Sirius whispered to his husband, who was practically asleep, leaned against the door frame. "You ok?"

Remus blinked his eyes open. "Yeah just didn't get enough sleep I guess."

"You fell asleep ten minutes into jeopardy last night." Sirius cocked his head playfully.

"You went to bed before eight? God, dad you're old." Oatmeal sprayed everywhere as Reggie laughed at his dad.

"And how late did you stay up, then?" Remus rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and pulled a Danimals out of the fridge. He might be 46, but no one is ever too old to start their morning with a strawberry explosion.

"Only until like 1:30." Reggie replied, burying his nose back into his comic book.

"WHAT?" That spun the heads of both his parents, Remus frozen mid sip. "You're 13, what can you possibly be doing at 1:30 in the morning?" As soon as the question left his mouth, he side eyed Sirius, realizing they might not want to hear the answer to this.

"I had to see if Captain America won." Sirius and Remus breathed audible sighs of relief.

"Reg, it's the fourth time you've read that comic. You know how it ends."

"No more reading comics in the middle of the night." Remus downed his Danimals in one sip. "We're leaving Hope!" He called down the hallway.

Hope bounced down the hallway into the kitchen, her hair pulled back into two poofy buns on top of her head and her book bag slung over her shoulder.

"You look nice," Remus said as he linked his arm through Sirius's leaning on him a bit for support.

"Yeah well I'd look a lot nicer if SOMEBODY didn't rush me." She beat her brother out the door and to the car.

"Education is more important than your hair." Sirius called after his daughter, his mind wandering, though, when Remus shifted some of his weight onto him. "Are you sure you're ok?

"Yeah, just waiting for the coffee to kick in." Sirius looked over his shoulder, at the coffee cup sitting on the counter, untouched and forgotten.

Sirius set Remus in the passenger's seat and got in the driver's seat himself, checking over his shoulder to make sure seat belts were buckled. "The comic book is staying in the car, Reg. I don't want anymore notes home that you're reading in Algebra."

"Well, if Mr. Linn would make Algebra interesting I wouldn't have to read during his class."

"The book stays in the car."

"Whatever."

Sirius suppressed the 'watch your tone' that welled up behind his lips, his eye caught by his already sleeping husband in the passenger seat, a lapful of graded quizzes slipping on to the floor of the car.

Hope was dropped off first, her bright blue bookbag bouncing as she ran through the front doors of the elementary school. Next, Reg scampered off to middle school still sulking a bit as he pined for the comic book left in the car.

The high school was only two minutes away, and on a normal day that's where Remus, excuse me, Professor Lupin, would be dropped off, frantically touching up lesson plans on enolates and cyclizations before running in to teach his junior chemistry class. But for some reason, for a lot of reasons actually, this didn't feel like a normal day.

It took Remus a few minutes before he even realized that they had passed the high school. "Sirius you missed the turn."

"I know."

"I have class, Sirius."

"I know."

"Well you haven't turned us around."

"I'm taking you to a hospital, Rem." His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and his jaw was trembling ever so slightly.

"What, why?" Remus sat up a little straighter.

"You're fatigued-"

"I told you I just didn't get enough sleep-"

"You got almost 12 hours. Is that not enough? I've seen you more alert on 5 and a half. You've been sniffling all morning. You're flushed like you've got a fever, and you only drink danimals when your throat hurts."

"Ok so I'm a little under the weather."

"Don't be stupid about this Rem, we both know under the weather for you is more of a problem than it is for most people. Call in sick so no one worries. We're almost there."

Remus pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, his sleepy fingers dialing Mcgonagall, who in her many years as english teacher had finally retired, taking the job of Principal. Everyone told her that didn't really count as retiring, but everyone was glad to have her.

"Hey Min, I'm calling in sick today." Her response was muted.

"Blame Sirius, he's kidnapped me and is forcing me- What? I am not being childish!" Sirius let a small laugh escape his set jaw.

Remus finished his phone call, promising Mcgonagall he'd update her after his appointment, and thanking her for getting him a substitute at such short notice.

The rest of the ride to the hospital was tense. For anybody else a cold was something that went barely noticed. But Remus didn't have that luxury. A cold could kill him. Hell, a cold sore could kill him.

Sirius and him both new that it was nearly a miracle that he had survived this long without progressing from acute HIV to AIDS. It was almost like he was living on borrowed time. Every sneeze, every cough, every yawn brought fear to both their eyes.

A few minutes later they pulled into the emergency room parking lot.

"He's HIV positive and is presenting as fatigued, and fevery, and just generally sick. We're gonna need a CD4 count, and-" Sirius was already talking off the ear of the poor RN who had met them at the door.

"Sirius, I can still talk." He put a hand on Sirius's arm, holding him back. "You watch too much Grey's Anatomy, love." He turned his attention to the politely smiling RN. "Is there any paperwork I have to fill out while we wait?" She handed him a paper attached to a clipboard and a pen.

They sat down in the waiting room, and Remus leaned his head on Sirius's shoulder as he slowly filled out the form. Sirius was muttering under his breath. "This is the emergency room, why do they have forms. This is urgent. Paper work is the least urgent thing in the world."

"Sirius."

"I mean if you had run in here with your finger chopped off I don't think they'd ask you to do paperwork. If you had run in here bleeding out, they'd whisk you back and save the paperwork for later."

"Sirius."

"I mean just because they can't see your disease, doesn't mean this isn't an emergency." Sirius was talking loud enough for the RN at the counter to hear. Hoping she heard, actually.

"Sirius."

"What?"

"Sign here please." He offered up the form, his finger pointing to the line marked 'spouse.' "You can go hand it in when you're done."

Sirius walked the form up to the RN, who accepted it, smiling through gritted teeth. "We'll see you as soon as we can, sir."

It was only about five minutes before another nurse came out to escort them back. Not very many emergencies on a Tuesday morning.

"Alright, Mr. Lupin," the doctor said, briefly scanning over the chart. "How about you lie down. I'll order your CD4 count and we'll see what we're dealing with here." The older man smiled kindly, helping Remus up into the bed.

"Are there any other tests you can do? Does he need multiple? Is there anyway that the CD4 test could be wrong? Hit him with every test you've got."

"Sirius," Remus grabbed his husbands hand from the hospital bed. "The longer you talk, the longer this is going to take. Let him do his job."

The doctor left, mostly to go order the test, but also to escape the barrage of questions still being thrown at him by the man in emergency bay number 3.

"Sirius if you don't calm down, you're going to be the thing that kills me." Despite the joking tone, Sirius could hear the fear eating away at the back of Remus's voice.

"That's not funny Remus."

"We've been through so much together. We can get through this. Whatever this even is." Remus sank back into the thin hospital pillow, trying to keep his eyes open. He felt weak. And scared.

Sirius was sitting nervously in a chair next to his bed still holding his hand, fondly thinking about the 'so much' that they had been through. He always felt helpless in hospitals. He couldn't do anything to help Remus, not really. Not medically. He could, however, make him laugh.

"Do you remember our first prank?" He asked, not even sure Remus was listening, since his eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily.

"Do I remember?" Remus laughed wearily, keeping his eyes closed. "Sirius that took me a month to plan, and another month to work up the courage to ask you to help. Of course I remember."

"You planned it before you asked me?"

"If you're going to ask the cutest boy in school to help you with a project, you have to make sure it's one hell of a project."

"Oh my god, you had a crush on me?"

"Sirius, we're married."

"Oh right." Sirius leaned back in his chair, twisting Remus's wedding ring around on his finger. "I still can't believe we got away with it."

"We've gotten away with more." Remus smiled. "Remember when we dyed James's hair pink?"

"I can't believe that bastard thought it was Lily! Like she could have come up with that."

"Come up with putting hair dye in shampoo? Let him think it was her, it means we get away with it."

"Genius demands an audience."

"You have low standards for genius, babe."

A nurse came through the door of their room holding a few vials and a needle. "Alright Mr. Lupin, I'm going to draw some blood." She took his left arm, tying a band just above his elbow. "You'll feel a little prick."

"Oh, he knows the drill, he shoots a lot of heroin."

"Sirius!" Remus blushed, trying to hold back a laugh. "Ignore him." The nurse didn't seem to find it as funny as they did.

Once the vials were full, she packed her things and whisked the samples to the lab, letting them know "Results should be in in about an hour."

"Heroin? Really?"

"Well you can't shoot up weed."

"Now she's going to go talk to all her nurse buddies about the junkie who got HIV by sharing needles in an alley."

"Oh shit babe I didn't think about that."

"It's a miracle they let us adopt with your mouth."

Sirius smiled sheepishly at the comment. "Didn't really think we'd end up like this did you?" He asked, playing with his own wedding ring now.

"Married, with an SUV and two kids? Wouldn't have guessed, that's for sure."

"To be honest, if you'd have asked me in high school, I would have told you I'd never get married."

"What changed your mind?" Remus was rubbing the track mark in his arm.

"Dating you." Sirius looked up at his husband, who was holding back a smile. "Quit trying to get me to be sappy." He swatted at Remus from where he was sitting. "You already know I had a crush on you the moment I saw you. How many times do you need me to say it?"

"Only a couple more times."

"Fuck you."

"Do you ever miss dating? I mean each other. If you talk about an ex, I'll punch you."

Sirius looked up again. "Miss dating? Oh, actually remember that one…" They caught each other's eye.

"Oh my god the aquarium. That one was my favorite." Remus sighed.

"Yeah tha- wait, the aquarium?" He looked at Remus bewildered. "I mean that was top ten, but I was thinking about that beach road trip."

"The one where we got lost? Sirius that wasn't even a date, that was awful!"

"Oh ho ho, we'll revisit that choice statement later, but answer me this professor. Why the aquarium? I barely even talked to you."

"I know. It was adorable."

"What? I practically ignored you."

"But it was out of bewilderment, so it was kind of...endearing. Sirius you had never been to an aquarium before, never seen a live fish I'm pretty sure, and _I_ got to be the one to see that."

"Oh my god that's so embarrassing. I was a sheltered kid."

"In a weird way, I suppose. In other ways, no."

"I can't believe that was your favorite."

"I can't believe we stood by the shark tank for an hour and a half while you labored over what names to give them."

"Haha what were they again? Brendon, Hubert…" Sirius counted off on his fingers as he tried to list the names back.

"I don't even think you could tell them apart. I'm pretty sure you named the same shark six different times."

"Probably." They sat for a while, just remembering.

Finally Remus spoke up. "So the beach trip huh?"

"Yeah…" Sirius said, a warm smile spreading across his face.

"Just to clarify, this is the beach trip where we lost the map, tried to use road signs, and were almost a day late."

"Yeah tha-"

"The one where the engine died two hours in, leaving us stranded in front of a church, in 100 degree weather. A church where a funeral was going on, and our car, our _unmovable_ car was blocking the funeral procession?"

"That's the one." Sirius laughed. "Don't look at me like that. How does the saying go? You don't really know someone until you see their road rage? Well I _really_ got to know you on that trip."

"Fuck you."

They passed the next few minutes in silence, Remus closing his eyes again, Sirius nervously chewing on his bottom lip.

"Sirius, don't be too hard on whoever Hope falls in love with."

"What?"

"And Reggie. He's a great kid, but he's not your brother, Sirius. I know we named him after Regulus, but don't hold him to that standard. Let him be his own person."

"Remus, I don't. He's- he's only thirteen."

"Make sure they're kind. Make sure they know how much we love them. Make sure they know how important it is to like what they do with their life. Make sure they remember me."

Sirius swallowed the fear in his throat, trying to make his voice sound stern, not terrified. "Remus Lupin, don't talk to me like you're dying."

Behind them, the curtain shifted and the doctor walked back in, a clipboard full of confusing graphs and numbers in his hand. "Alright Mr. Lupin."

The doctor explained that although Remus's CD4 count was low, it wasn't low enough to categorize his symptoms as AIDS just yet. "Frankly, considering how long you've had the disorder, I'm surprised you're standing in front of me today. But looking at the numbers in front of me, I'd say you have a few more years yet before we have to consider AIDS."

Remus and Sirius both breathed huge sighs of relief. The doctor went over Remus's medication with him, upping a few dosages here and there, adding a new prescription. In his professional opinion the fatigue and other symptoms had just been brought on by Remus out growing his current prescription.

"I'd like to see you back here in a few months. If we monitor this regularly, we'll be more prepared." Remus and Sirius both pretended they didn't know 'prepared' really meant 'affairs in order.'

Remus and Sirius made their way back up to the front desk, scheduling the next few appointments. With Sirius's arms wrapped around Remus's waist, holding him up, but also just holding him, they turned to leave.

"We're fucking like it's the end of the world tonight."

The nurse behind them choked on her Aquafina.


	9. The End of the Story

"If I come home to something on fire again-" James said sternly, trying to ignore the fact that his teenage child was rolling his eyes when he should have been listening to his very stern very important parental speech.

"Again?" Sirius asked behind him, arms crossed but an impressed smile on his face. Remus elbowed him in the side, trying to keep an eye on both his husband, and their two kids playing in James's living room.

"It's just a couple of hours dad. I'm just going to put on the TV for them until they fall asleep." Harry sighed, not understanding why everyone had to treat him like such a child.

"I'm serious, Harry."

"No you're not, he is." Harry pointed to his godfather, his smile bigger than his thirteen year old ego. Remus pushed Sirius's hand down as he went for a high five.

"They'll be fine James." Lily sauntered into the front hall of their home, putting some final bobby pins in her hair. "Order a pizza and watch some movies. We'll be back soon." She kissed Harry on the cheek, and dragged her worried husband out the door to the car. Remus and Sirius said their goodbyes and followed.

"They warn you teenagers will be difficult, but nobody told me they'd be this difficult." James mumbled as he got in the car. "The eye rolling, the puns, the _sass_."

Remus laughed from the back seat. "He's only difficult because he's _you_ , James."

"So where are we going?" Sirius asked, "I want to know what kind of drunk I'm getting." With Harry finally old enough to babysit the younger kids, the gang had decided to go out for a couple drinks.

"I was thinking the Three Broomsticks?" Lily offered up. "You know, for old time's sake?"

"That dive bar we basically lived in at college?" Remus asked, leaning his head against Sirius's shoulder. "Oh my god, I'm reliving so many hangovers right now."

"Ooh why not?" Sirius chimed in. "I haven't seen Ros in forever. Wonder if she still works there."

"She's going to realize she served us underage once we whip out our IDs and they're not the fake ones she saw us use all through college." James suddenly realized, sitting up straighter in his seat.

Lily laughed. "Like they're even going to card you, you old man."

"I'm pretty sure Madam Rosmerta knew they were fake, James. I have a hard time believing she genuinely thought you were a 6'4" exchange student from Sweden." Remus said. "Your fake accent made you sound like a muppet."

"God, it's been years." Lily sighed, gripping the steering wheel tight. "I doubt she'll even remember us."

A few minutes later they were pulling into the parking lot and making their way inside. Behind the bar stood an old woman with a bandana tied up in her hair, polishing a glass and chatting loudly with a customer. She looked up at the chime of the bell when they walked in and her face lit up, brighter than the neon budweiser sign on the wall behind her.

"My boys!" In seconds she was out from behind the bar and rushing over to them. She pulled Lily into a hug first, asking her, "Are you keeping them in line?"

"Trying to." Lily responded with a smile, warmly returning the hug. Apparently she had remembered them.

Madam Rosmerta gasped when she caught sight of the wedding band around Remus's finger, the gasp turning to a smile when she saw the matching one on Sirius's. She held both of their hands. "If I was a betting woman, I would have made a lot of money off this."

Finally she turned to James, cupping his face in her hands. "My sweet Johan. And how is your family in Sweden?" Sirius howled with laughter as James's face reddened.

Still remembering their usual orders, Madam Rosmerta got them their drinks and set them up near the back, promising to come sit and catch up once the night had slowed down.

"God, it's been what...fifteen years since we've been in this place?" Sirius pondered, stirring his margarita with his straw. "Look at all these…" He grimaced, "young people."

In a college bar, it only made sense that they were surrounded by college kids. As they sat in a booth in the back football games were being argued over, parties were being pregamed with shots, and date proposals were being rejected. They watched as a sloppily drunk couple made out pressed up against the jukebox that hadn't worked since '97.

"God were we ever like that?" Remus grimaced.

"Oh sweetie." Lily said, her arm wrapped around James's shoulder. "You were worse."

"Oh don't act all high and mighty. I've walked in on you and James enough times to know you guys were right up there with us." Sirius said, wrapping his arm around his husband.

They talked about college for a while, reminiscing over old rooms, old friends, old jokes.

"Sometimes I don't even know how we made it out of college alive. There was a two month period where I didn't see you eat anything but Swedish Fish." Lily motioned to James

"I was just trying to connect my roots." He cracked a grin. "Really delve into Johan's character."

"If we're going to talk about bad habits, you only slept two nights a week, Lils. If that." Remus said.

"There was homework to be done and essays to be written. Parties to go to." Lily sighed. "It all seemed so _important_. And now I can't remember a single thing I learned."

"Best years of our lives." Sirius said, his fingers intertwined with Remus's. Remus squeezed his hand.

"Nah, I can think of a few years that were better." He said.

They continued swapping stories a bit longer.

"Remember that time Sirius tried to use Lily's body spray as laundry detergent?"

"I had run OUT ok? It smelled good, and it was perfect plan in theory. If I remember correctly, you confirmed my foolishness, James, and actually poured it in."

"Oh my god, I forgot about that!" Lily chuckled. "You were picking glitter out of your socks for months."

Madam Rosmerta came by with a second round of drinks "On the house," consoling Sirius by telling him she thought the glitter socks were actually quite an interesting accessory.

"Ah, the level I strive to reach with all my fashion choices," He said. "Interesting."

After the laughter had subsided over Sirius's questionable hygiene habits, Lily paused and looked up.

"Can you believe we've all known each other for over thirty years?" She asked. Remus did the math on his fingers, confirming that they had indeed known each other that long. "If someone had told me senior year of highschool that I'd be married with kids and still hanging out with you idiots, I wouldn't have believed them." She continued.

"I don't think I would have, either." Remus said. "We got into so much shit in high school. Feels like yesterday, doesn't it?"

"For some reason it feels like yesterday, but also like a million years ago at the same time." Sirius said.

"What did we even do in high school? I feel like all we did was drink vodka we stole from Alice's parents and watch movies." James said, taking a large sip of his drink.

"From what I remember, we played truth or dare like it was the only game that existed." Remus added.

"Oh my gosh yes." Lily said. "What is so appealing to high schoolers about making your friends kiss each other."

"I suppose it has to do with all the raging hormones." Sirius sipped his drink, just starting to feel the pre-drunk dizziness.

"Ooh you know what we should do?" James looked up from his beer, eyes bleary but blazing behind the drunken film. "We should play."

"What?" Remus asked, unimpressed.

"We should play." James repeated, even more enthusiastic this time. "One last round. For old time's sake."

"We're too old, James."

"Lily Evans Potter. We had a water balloon fight in our driveway yesterday, and you're pulling the age card to get out of a little game of truth or dare? Sounds like…" He looked up at her, grinning. "You're not up for the challenge."

"Oh!" She pushed him out of her face. "That is just childish. And not working."

James stuck out his tongue at her. "Look if you're too scared to play truth or dare that's fine. I guess we don't HAVE to play."

She glared at him her arms crossed. "I hate that you know me so well. Alright I'll play."

James grinned and looked at Sirius and Remus.

"You don't even have to ask, let's do this."

James was all riled up now. "Alright, ground rules. We're all married so you can't make anyone kiss anybody. You'll have to be more creative. And let's try not to get arrested, BUT, that doesn't mean everything illegal is off the table." The rules were met with nods all around.

So, with alcohol-fogged brains, and grins you could see from space, their last game of truth or dare began.

Because it was his idea, and they wanted to punish him immediately, James went first. "Dare." Predictable as ever.

The other three conferred for a while, finally landing on a dare they liked. Lily, their spokesperson, commanded "Go steal a sip from a strangers drink."

Even drunk this didn't sound like a good idea to James. "Unsanitary" He shuddered, but slid out of the booth anyways, as they had yet to find a challenge he wouldn't take. He found an older victim, in an effort to look less creepy, and walked over to the guy.

"Hey man, whatcha drinking?"

The other three couldn't hear the guy's response. James raised his eyebrows and said "Oh really? My whiskey smelled a little funny, pretty sure it was watered down." This comment earned a glare from Rosmerta behind the bar, who wasn't a fan of Swedes questioning her quality of business. He held his hand out palm up, and the guy unwittingly handed him his drink. People will hand you anything if you stick your hand out expectantly.

James sniffed it, then tilted it back, pouring half the drink into his mouth. The guy who he had stolen it from looked horrified. "What the FUCK, man?"

"Nope, doesn't taste watered down to me. Enjoy the rest." He turned on his heel, walking as fast as he could back to their booth, leaving the still horrified guy far behind him.

He slid back into the booth, shielding his face with his hand. "I hate you all."

"This was your idea love," Lil patted his back affectionately, amused but grateful her spouse hadn't just gotten decked.

Remus went next. "Dare." A little less predictable. Once again there were three conspirators, their whispers just barely reaching Remus's ears. Finally an agreement was made.

This time Sirius made the command. "Go get a girls number."

"What? I'm gay as fuck. And married." Remus took a sip of his drink. He probably should have listed married first.

"Ah there's no harm in it. And you can't refuse a dare. Sorry but thems the rules." Sirius kissed his husband on the cheek. "Go get her."

Remus wasn't drunk enough for flirting so he chugged the rest of his drink before reluctantly sliding out of their booth and making his way across the bar.

He walked over to a girl who looked to be late thirties sitting at the bar, drinking alone. Ugh, strangers. How does one start a conversation?

"So…." The woman looked up when Remus spoke, unsure if it was directed at her. "Alcohol, huh?" Remus motioned to the drink in her hand.

"Well," She looked around confused. "I don't know if you've noticed but this is a bar."

"Oh, I've noticed." Remus winked, ignoring the laughter of his friends behind him. The woman looked bewildered.

"Are you having a stroke?"

"Look, lady." Remus stumbled onto the barstool next to her. "My friends dared me to get your phone number. I can't go back until then, so…"

She looked behind him to the three idiots grinning in a booth. "Aren't you guys a little old for truth or dare."

"I'm sorry, is there an expiration date on _fun_?"

She sighed in defeat, just wanting to get this weird drunken man to leave so she could finish her drink. "Fine, I will give you my number on one condition. You have to promise never to use it."

"Sweetie. I'm married and gay. The digits please."

She handed him a napkin with her number on it, and he left her behind him, very confused and mildly amused.

He slid back into the booth, throwing the napkin into the middle of the table. "Hope you're happy."

Sirius picked up the napkin, examining it. "If your gay ass can get a girl's number, straight men really don't have any excuse." And then, just so nobody got any ideas as to who belonged to who, Sirius proceeded to shred the napkin, disposing of the shreds in his empty glass.

By group vote, Sirius went next.

"Truth." Thoroughly unpredictable this time. Sirius had picked truth a whole two times in his life.

Lily and James looked at each other drunkenly, both their eyes reading the other's faces. Lily turned back to face Sirius and blurted, "weirdest place you've ever had sex!"

"Really Lils, that's what you're going with?" Sirius said. "Ok, well…" He looked over at Remus. "October, Senior year of undergrad?"

Remus pondered for a minute. "I was thinking December, the year after we adopted Hope."

"Oh you know, I want to keep that one to ourselves...I just remembered...February Sophomore year?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.

Remus laughed. "Oh my god. If you want to tell them."

Lily was practically falling off her seat in anticipation. "Just spit it out for the love of god. Where is it?"

"Well...we're sitting like three feet away from it." He looked over to the bar that Madam Rosmerta was currently polishing, and held back a grin.

James gasped. "During business hours?"

"No you perv." Sirius laughed. "I used to work here. We'd use my key after hours all the time." He put a hand over the side of his mouth, shielding his next confession from Ros. "To be honest, back when I worked here, you'd be totally correct in assuming the whiskey was watered down."

Remus was still laughing fondly over the memory. "Remember how long it took us to get your ass print out of the mahogany?"

"Baking soda and water." Lily replied automatically, furrowing her eyebrows when Sirius and Remus turned to look at her surprised. "What, you think you're the only two to ever fuck on a bar counter?"

Lily, by default, was next.

"Dare." Her voice, amplified from the alcohol, tumbled hastily out of her mouth, her bleary eyes scanning the rest of the group, making it clear she wanted a challenge.

The three boys- sorry, men- conferred for a solid couple of minutes before landing on a contender. It was James who detailed her quest.

By the entrance of the bar was a wall covered in small plastic rectangles. The Fake ID wall of shame. James pointed at it. "Go steal us the dumbest fake ID."

Ah, a challenge worthy of her effort. Lily blew some stray hairs out of her face and slid out of the booth, taking wobbly steps towards the wall. She stood up there for a while, scanning, shifting her weight from one foot to the other before she settled on one. She threw a quick glance behind her making sure Madam Rosmerta was busy behind the bar. Then her hand shot up and snatched a single plastic ID from the wall and shoved it into her pocket.

As she walked triumphantly back to her booth Madam Rosmerta called out "That better not find its way into the hands of a minor!" as Lily passed the bar. Lily sheepishly nodded.

When she got to the booth she pulled the ID out of her pocket and slapped it down on the table. "The dumbest one. Some dumbass named Voldemort."

Remus snorted and picked up the ID, struggling to read it. The guy didn't even have a first name listed, just 'Voldemort' emblazoned on the plastic in the space left for names. The picture showed a white male in his late twenties and Remus could see why it had been used as a fake. The picture had been brightened beyond recognition, the harsh lights of the DMV washing out any recognizable facial features. "This guy doesn't even have a nose!" He cackled.

Sirius laughed beside him. "Let me see!" He snatched the ID out of Remus's hands, only laughing harder once he saw the picture. "I think he's bald too!"

Then the ID was flat on the table again, their dizzy heads pressed together as they cackled each time they found a new ridiculous flaw in the fake.

"He looks like a snake!"

"Ssssssssssss, I am Voldemort, King of the snakes!"

"SSssssiriusss sssssstop"

"Haha this can't be a real person. I refuse to believe this is a real person."

"He looks like a bad comic villain. Like some middle aged guy who can't defeat the 11 year old protagonist even though he's supposed to be the most powerful being in the world."

"Oh my gosh he does. Or like some creep who gets weird matching tattoos with all his weird friends."

Remus pulled back from the group, still laughing hard enough that his head hurt. "You guys have the most oddly specific imaginations."

Slowly the laughter died off, everyone leaning back in the booth nearly asleep.

"I can already feel the hangover I'm going to have tomorrow." Remus said, rubbing his temples as he rested his head on Sirius's shoulder, his husband's arm wrapped comfortably around his waist.

Lily sat across the table from him, her hands running through James's hair, who was only resting his eyes, god damn it, he was not asleep. "When did we get so old?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I don't look a day over twenty five." Sirius said, jabbing Remus in the stomach playfully when he snorted in disagreement.

When James started snoring, Lily and Remus got up to settle the tabs. Madam Rosmerta gave them mints, and hugs, and warm goodbyes, also getting her ID back, so she could put her wall of shame in order again. Lily almost didn't give it to her, mumbling something about mementos and framing it.

The night ended with an uber, drunk hugs and promises to call the next morning when the hangovers had worn off.

At almost two in the morning, Sirius was wrapped in Remus's arms, safely in their bed, the children asleep and the lights off.

They whispered to each other in the dark, waiting for the alcohol to leave their blood, their brains slowly unfogging.

It was quiet outside, the stars the only witness to the silent streets below them.

All was well.

A/N: I had the time of my life writing this story, but this is the end of the little world I created for myself. Thanks to anyone who read it, I love you all.


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